Niagra Falls?

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April 14, 2012 by dylangott

I made two DVDs yesterday in preparation for the show and sold them both. I was very happy, so happy that I got very drunk and put hotdogs into a donair, ate that and went to sleep. Today I am regretting that.

Halifax is a great city which I realize I’m only saying because the shows have been going great. That’s the same reason I hate Niagra Falls, everytime I go there I don’t do stand up comedy, I do spoken word. I say the same things it’s just that nobody laughs.

The last time I was in Niagra a comedian named Terry Clement and my girlfriend saved me from the worst weekend of my life, I was eating once a day at a casino buffet, alone. Eating at a buffet alone is great because they aren’t any rules but bad because people look at you like you might try and suffocate them with fried rice. I was feeling awkward when midway through the meal they started playing “Don’t stop believing” which is a trick they always use in sad fooderies. I once walked into a McDonalds were one guy was eating three big macs in the far left corner and they were playing “Never gonna give you up” by Rick Astley.

My sadness didn’t last long because Terry Clement read my tweets and stayed over on the Friday because he thought I was at risk of killing myself. I wasn’t, but when I get depressed I get 14 year old Dylan depressed it’s just instead of listening to Staind I tweet about buffets.

My girlfriend Alexis came over on the Saturday and we got the front desk called on us because we were watching the Planet Hollywood channel too loudly. I really wish it was because I was mashing her beans in a pleasing way but there were no calls from the front desk when we did that, which hurt me as a man and as a man again.

But that ends this thing, I’ll be back tomorrow with a story about tonight that will probably turn into one about how high I can kick. And I’ll tell you guys I could be in the rockettes like for sure.

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